bright gift

This post was written for Beauty from Chaos.

The women ran from the tomb as the angel chased after them, flapping his wings sharply.

‘Wait!’  Zadkiel ordered, catching Sariel’s wings in his own.

‘But they don’t believe me!  They are running way. They won’t tell anyone.  They are too afraid.’   Sariel’s words tumbled in breathless panic.  ‘They do believe you.  They will believe you.  You just need to wait.’

Sariel watched the women as they ran across the hill, and his wings dropped.  ‘But it’s never been like this before.  My wings flap, and my word is effective. My wings close, and it is done.’

‘Yes, with death.’ Zadkiel said gently, ‘But when the word is life, it takes longer.  They have to choose…’   Sariel looked disappointed.  Zadkeil went on: ‘You knew that it would be different now, yes?’

‘Yes.’ Sariel whispered, a bit embarrassed. ‘So what do I do now?’

Zadkiel pondered.  He knew he had to slow Sariel down.
‘Do you remember — in the beginning?  Before you learned to close your wings:  what was it like then?’

Sariel was reluctant.  He had blocked that memory for a long time.  He could feel Zadkiel prowling about in his mind, uncovering the loss of it.

‘It was simple.  No one was afraid.  The blossom died to give way for the leaf.  The leaf died to nourish the root.  The root gathered strength to send out a new branch.  Most of the time we just played.’

‘Yes.’ Zadkiel said, realizing how simple Sariel’s complexity really was. ‘So help them remember.’

Sariel looked for the women, and saw that they had stopped running.  They sat with their backs against cool stone, catching their breath.  In front of them, there was a tree in blossom, which they didn’t see.

‘There.  The tree.  I can show them.’
Sariel gathered his skirts and began to run.
‘Wait!’ Zadkiel cried, slowing him down again.  ‘You need to go gently.  Don’t show yourself at first.’  Sariel was getting impatient: ‘But you always do.’  ‘Yes, but I’ve been living with them a long time. I know how to fit in.  Don’t show yourself at first; just touch them with your wing.’

Sariel stood back from the women, and stretched his wing till the tip brushed Mary’s arm.  He saw her shudder, and drew back in alarm.  ‘It’s all right.’  Zadkiel said, ‘they take fright easily and are slow to let it go.  Go gently.’  So Sariel tried again.

He stretched out his wing and willed Mary to look at the tree.  He focused all his being on blossom, and on his desire for her to see.  When he shook with the strain of it, he felt her move.  She bent her neck and brushed her hair from her eyes, then looked up.

Zadkiel saw her eyes soften as they fell on the tree. ‘Good,’ he said to Sariel.  ‘Very good.  Now: fill her mind with something familiar. Sing her a song.’

Sariel reached — naturally enough — for a Sanctus:  sharp as glass, with refracted rhythms.

‘Wait!’ Zadkiel cried again.  Sariel fell silent and looked perplexed.  Zadkiel continued: ‘That one is too hard.  She needs something familiar.’

Sariel thought for a moment and summoned a fiddle:
Tra -li- laa, la-li-laa, l’ laa.
‘Better.’ Zadkiel said, as he took up the song.

They sang till the gold light shimmered.  They sang till the women relaxed.  They sang till they drew breath and dropped their shoulders and turned their faces to the sun.

‘Now,’ Zadkiel said.  ‘Tell them again.’

Sariel stepped forward and let himself be seen.  The women flinched only a bit.

‘Do not be afraid.  He is Risen.  Go and tell the others what you have seen.’

Mary reached out, tentatively, and let her hand trail down the dark shimmer of his wing.  Her eyes widened, and at last she understood.

Jophiel was watching, now, too as Mary stood and ran quickly toward the town.  Sariel deserved his Sanctus.

Jophiel nodded and the choir began.  Light shattered the last darkness, and Sariel stood amazed as his wings turned bright.

wing-held darkness

This post was written for Beauty from Chaos,
but I have posted it here too, since I want to keep Zadkiel close by.

Zadkiel looked slowly around the crowd. Mary. Mary. John.  Most of the others had fled.  But as his eyes searched he saw familiar faces. The blind man. The woman who had bled. Those who had realised that suffering was not the end of the world.

But this suffering might be, he thought.

Jophiel knelt on the other side of the clearing, tears streaming down his face as he recorded the fugue that had begun with those hard struck nails.

Michael seemed unflinching, but one wing reached out.  Feathers brushed the woman he had chosen, who had done her work so well.

On the edge of the crowd, stood Sariel: his work not yet done.

Michael drew close to Zadkiel and said, ‘It is time.’
‘Must we?’ Zadkiel said angrily. ‘God seems to have gone already.’   ‘No. This is just the beginning. You know what we must do.’

Zadkiel nodded and caught Jophiel’s eye.  Jophiel set down his quill, and called the angels to attention.  One signal, and the circle formed: wings locked to forge a wall around the cross.

The tent of absence, Zadkiel realised.  He raised his wings reluctantly, and darkness covered the whole earth.

Their task was to keep God out.  God had withdrawn himself from himself, and become as remote as the deepest fear of the heart.  God stood on the edge of non-being to create a space where he was not, to allow this darkness, this freedom, this choice.

And we bear the weight of it, Zadkiel uttered, still resisting his task.

The darkness held for three hours.  The angels strained with it, letting love and grief, longing and abandonment bash against their wings.

Then Jesus cried aloud, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’  and Zadkiel’s scream filled the heavens.  Michael and Jophiel flexed their wings around him, absorbing the force of his grief and using it to strengthen the circle.

God’s agony pressed in on them too. The sun stopped; the heavens shuddered, and the whole earth stood on the edge of the abyss.

Jesus cried out again, and Sariel stepped forward.  He curled his dark wings around the cross, gently. Then, as Jesus breathed out, his wings snapped shut: cutting breath from breath; life from death.

Jophiel was the first to break the circle, as anguish overwhelmed him.  Myriad of angels shut their wings as the sky was rent and the veil of the temple torn in two.

‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’ Zadkiel whispered, the words now fully his own.

Chrism Mass

Little girl: it’s all right.
It is true
that the stranger sat behind you
cried through the second half
of each hymn
(and that was a bit confusing)
and it is true
that your father had to work
and brought you with him
(and that was a bit frustrating)
but that is just
what Maundy Thursday is like.
Truth be told:
tomorrow may be worse.
But you will make it through
and then there will be change.
Come Sunday
there will be laughter
and chocolate
and freedom
and time
for you go up the hill,
where you might find
the one who was crying
flying her kite
and ready to sing with you
a new song.